Recently I was told by a friend of mine who happens to be guy, that the problem with African and Caribbean women living in the UK is that we have become too westernised, too independent and it is killing our core values. He claims our mothers and their mother’s generation had the right idea! He says a woman’s favourite statement is “I am an independent woman! I don’t need this S*** and I don’t need you!!!!” However I put this to him, what should be done by a woman in a relationship with a man who beats her or constantly cheats on her. What options does she have?
He said “our mother’s generation stayed”. They stayed through it all and with time their men changed or grew tired of the running after women, if our mothers and their mother’s generation could stay through multiple wives living under the same roof, drunken nights of beatings and even rape by some of their husbands. We should be able to stand the periodic fling here and there “you are women. You are built to handle those kinds of things”.
Now I do believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion but is it wrong to consider that, women back then felt like they had no other options. They had nowhere to go and no one to run to, it could be suggested they were afraid of the stigma that came with leaving their husband’s home with children to cater for. Women these days are more independent, they have good jobs their own money and they can buy themselves expensive things and be the bread winners of their families.
This to some people is part of the problem, they believe all the freedom and independence is what seems to help women get in their own way. We women use or success to emasculate men and degrade them therefore driving them into the arms of another woman, although this may be true in some cases it is hardly the absolute reason. I think now women know their self worth, they do not see themselves as equivocal to the cowries and kola nuts that they used to pay their brides prize. Women know that they should be treated with the same love and respect that they were treated with when they were being perused and sort after. Men expect their women to cook, clean, listen to their work problems, get freaky in the bedroom, bare their children and still look sexy, so they can be proud to show her off to the world.
A woman’s independence is not just given to her as freely as it is to a man, women have to fight for it, fight until everyone considers her a B**** and yes some women can be difficult to handle in these situation but then you must honestly ask yourself this question. Would you want to be with a man/woman who is intimidated by you because you drive a 2010 car, have a mortgage and earn £35,000 per annum? Women are taught unfortunately to down play their accomplishments and rest on their beauty and cooking skills, however that is not you! You are complex, creative, inspirational intelligent and diverse in all that you do. You should want a man that will be proud, challenged and inspired by your accomplishments and he should want to make you better, make you believe you accomplished all that on your own but with him you can reach the stars and beyond.
Independence is no longer just a rare trait that some women have, it has become a necessity in order to survive. It is a reaction to the so called daddy issues and abandonment issues some women posses, it is the cure for the lack they had to deal with whilst growing up and it is a need to feel secure.
In saying that ladies we need to stop deluding ourselves because we cannot do it all. We do need to watch how we talk because there is a clear difference between talking proudly about our accomplishments and looking down on our Kings (men). Be proud of who you are but be humble enough to know your man can take you to new heights, be it professionally, spiritually or emotionally.
Peace and love to you all
Just my thoughts............
